Episode 54 Podcast Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Be in the moment and get fully present with your friends and with your family and fully engage with them even if it’s for that micro moment of 15 minutes. Hi everyone. Rob Kropp and Dan Stones from Pravar Group and welcome back to another episode of The Trade Den, good to have you back Dan how’s things?

Speaker 2 (00:23):

Good day, Rob. Good day everyone. Yeah, very well, thank you. Looking forward to another great episode and getting into another matters episode, which will be cool.

Speaker 1 (00:31):

Have you ever felt like you’re there but not really there? Like you spent hours with your family but never really connected? Well, if you feel this way, you’re not alone. For busy business owners, the struggle is real. Showing up isn’t enough. It’s not about clocking hours at the dinner table or on the couch. It’s about being fully there, creating moments that actually matter, the difference between time spent and time well spent. It’s everything today. We’ll help you make the shift to being present and reconnected so you can build stronger bonds with the people who matter to you most.

Speaker 2 (01:04):

So Rob, you already mentioned at the start of this topic the word reconnected. And I know that’s a big part and I thought it’d be a great place for us to start today, that word reconnected and family and how it works in because at Pravar it really is part of our DNA.

Speaker 1 (01:16):

Yeah. Family is at the core of what we do here at Pravar. Obviously we love business, but family is such a huge part around it and it really comes back to the essence of who we are and why we do what we do. The word Pravar, it actually means breathe life back into the family. The word Pravar means that, and that’s who we are and what we stand for with this brand, it’s a combination of two words, Prana, which means breathe life into and Varga, which means family. So when you combine Prana and Varga, we create this word called Pravar, and which means breed life back into the family. It’s such a special word, it’s got so much meaning behind it, and really it’s at the core and the essence of who we are and what we do here as a coaching business.

Speaker 2 (02:06):

So Rob, it’s interesting because we say we’re a business coaching organisation and that’s sort of the sign on the door, but why is it that family reconnection and even having pr the word how you’ve explained it, why is that such a big thing for you?

Speaker 1 (02:20):

It comes back to me being a young fella. My dad was an operator at the power station in Gladstone. He was a trader who ran his own fencing and gardening business. And when I was a young fell, I never saw dad around every moment that he wasn’t working shift work. He was building retaining walls and fences for other people. And the only time I really got to spend with my dad was holding up fence palings and helping him on job site. And so for me, the reason why I started Pravar is because I never wanted guys to go through the same pain with their broken families like I did when I was growing up. I remember when I was 10, my sister was 12, our family fell apart just purely because of the way that the hours my dad was working and all I wanted as a young fella is to be in happy family and I just wanted to spend time with my dad and I just never got to do it because it was working so much. And so it’s why we do what we do. It’s why we only coach blokes in the trades and construction space because it’s my purpose, it’s our purpose as a coaching organisation to be able to help so many blokes who go through the same challenges trying to balance business and balance family life at the same time.

Speaker 2 (03:36):

Yeah, it’s a huge story and I know it just keeps reverberating every time you get up and speak. We hear it all the time in terms of how important it is not just to you, but as a challenge for guys to somehow find their truth with it, find out where they do sit, and I think today’s episode’s going to be important for people to hear it and think around how it relates to them because no doubt we’ve all got it. We all have certain hours in a day that we have and our ability to invest them wisely with our family and get the most out of it, I think is something that everyone has to have that sort of honest conversation with themselves.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

Correct. And a lot of guys that we speak to in this space is their dad was probably a tradie or someone in the construction space and they probably came from a family of business owners and they saw their dad working long hours. I saw my dad working long hours and they probably got into business themselves because they didn’t want to be like their dad, but they find themselves in the same situation working the same hours, making the same mistakes as their dad. And so this is a generational thing that you’ve got to get to the point in time where you’ve got to learn these lessons and make fundamental changes in the way that you operate. And this is what today’s episode is about, is about course correcting that and having a real breakthrough from a time side of things when it comes to your family.

Speaker 2 (04:58):

Yeah, absolutely. I think you mentioned it there, the course correction and where we’ll start with in terms of correcting that course as we do always is a mindset sort of position that we take. For me, I think that the transaction mindset is the one that we’re trying to really hone in on this episode, which is the transaction mindset saying that quantity is more or more is better than quality. So quantity over quality, if I can get more time, then that will equal better as opposed to quality. So it’s a transaction sort of thing. The more I can get, the more I can put in, the better it’ll be, but it’s not necessarily the case. So let’s just start off with the transaction mindset and maybe how it relates to families and guys that struggle with this stuff.

Speaker 1 (05:41):

Yeah, I think that running a business as stressful got you, are shouldering a lot of pressure. There’s stress, there’s financial stress, there’s pipeline issues, there’s team challenges. And the problem is that so many business owners in the trades space is that they’re there, but they’re not truly there with their families. And so this is this whole transactional mindset that you are physically present with your family, but that doesn’t mean you are truly present with them. And there’s a huge difference between the two. And I think a lot of guys make the mistake going, yeah, well I’m around my family, but are you really there with your family? That’s the real question, the face, the facts question you’ve got to ask yourself.

Speaker 2 (06:28):

It is, it’s all about the meaning that you’re getting out of those interactions. And I think that illusion that we talk about the illusion of togetherness where just because you’re spending more time doesn’t mean that it’s more meaningful. It doesn’t mean that it’s any more valuable, it’s any more memorable. It’s any more impactful to the people you’re spending that time with. Especially as you said, if you’re present but you’re elsewhere, you’re distracted. And let’s face it, in this day and age, distraction’s huge.

Speaker 1 (06:53):

When you talk a bit before about distracted time, a great example of that is when you take your kids to a playground for example, how often do you see that parents will take their kids there and the kids are playing on the equipment, but the parents are on their phone and they’re so involved in their phone and they’re distracted from their kids. How many times do you see that?

Speaker 2 (07:19):

It is and I think that’s a great place to come from a point of awareness. And even if you don’t recognise it in yourself, just look around, look at what’s happening day to day with these interactions and how many people are attached. You’re physically attached because your phone fits in your hand, you’re using it, you’re interacting with it without even really knowing it’s become part of your way of life and another avenue into just being. So I think that having that awareness, not so much even if you are distracted or not, if you can’t even get to that point, just look around because with so many people in the same boat, you start to get that sensitivity to it and all of a sudden it starts to feel a little bit uncomfortable. Those things like phones. Another one for me is that sort of idea around just being all consumed in your own head about decisions you’re trying to make or thinking and not listening to what’s actually happening around you. You’re too internal in your own head.

Speaker 1 (08:14):

Yeah, I had that the other week where I know that I was with my family, but I wasn’t with my family. I had something playing on my mind. I was feeling a little bit of pressure, a bit of stress, a little bit of anxiety was there around some things that were going on. I knew I had to make some key decisions and I was absent. I was present physically, but absent-minded and upon reflection I wasn’t really showing up as the best version I could be as a dad and as a husband. And so more of that time, it’s not good time. You could multiply that by two or three or four fold and spend 20 hours with your family kind of thing doing all that, but that’s just wasted time. It’s useless empty time that you’re actually with your family. So more of that’s actually not better time.

Speaker 2 (09:10):

I’d go as far as to say it’s actually worse because what you do if for someone that’s actually looking forward to that time or has waited for that time or a child that’s sitting there going, this is meant to be my time, all you’re going to do is build resentment. And that resentment lasts for as long as you’re in that frame of mind. So if more time equals three hours of you being distracted or on your phone or whatever it is, really what you’re doing is investing three hours of resentment time whilst it should have been something else in the person who you’re meant to spend that time with.

Speaker 1 (09:40):

And I think the punchline out of this is that the people that matter to us most, our friends, our family, they don’t remember how long you were there. They remember how engaged you were when you were together. And that’s the most important thing, that 15 minutes of fully engaged present time with friends and family is better than 20 or 30 hours of just being completely disengaged. And so that’s the essence of today’s episode is that more time does not equal meaningful time. And so it’s not about quantity over quality. It’s all in the end of the day, quality matters.

Speaker 2 (10:25):

Absolutely. And I think you hit it on the head, the power of presence. That’s the key. That’s the understanding that we’re trying to get across today. Small moments and big impact.

Speaker 1 (10:36):

I want you to take a moment there and visualise, you’re in this situation and I’m sure you’ve been there before where you are sitting at your desk on a Saturday punching out some quotes. And this really happened to one of our clients, his name’s Nathan from Rescue U. He was working crazy hours on the tools all week, spending nights doing admin and bookkeeping work and on weekends working as well trying to catch up. And his wife Ricky walked in to his shed at the time and with the three kids in tow and she’d had enough and she said, something’s got to change otherwise there’s going to be significant changes if you can read between the lines. And so I want you to imagine that situation where you’ve busted your ass all week doing it for the family and then this happens on a Saturday. And so this was a real face, the facts moment for Nathan because he realised that he couldn’t keep going down this path.

(11:34):

He couldn’t keep working the hours. One man can only do so much and something had to change. And that was a real tipping point for Nathan where he really changed his relationship with time, fixed the structure in his business and focused on building a really good team in around him. And if you look at his business today, he’s running a $6 million plus business. He’s got a full operational structure in around him, a very, very healthy bottom line. He does it in 30 hours a week or less, and he takes every week of the school holidays off to be able to be fully present with his family. And he shows up as the best husband and the best father more ever than before. But one thing that he really focused on over those times to be able to make all these changes was his ability to be present. And he focused on being there in the key moments as a husband and as a father to be there for his family when it mattered most. And that was the thing that created a lot of change. And that’s the thing that now makes it such a sustainable and amazing relationship with he’s got with his family and fully reconnected. It’s all about presence and being there when it matters most and creating those moments and those memories that last.

Speaker 2 (12:58):

Yeah, and I remember a conversation I had with him around this because the challenge still didn’t go away. He was doing all of this stuff, but it still creeps in. He wanted to know how he could do more in that time. And I remember having a conversation about he found himself stressing out. He was at, I think it was one of the kids’ trainings one night and it was like, how do I listen to a podcast, watch the training and do all this stuff? I’m like, mate, time out more. Does it mean better? Just drop it. What’s most important come back to quality over quantity. So he’s a real life example of continuing to come back to this idea of small moments and big impact and overcoming that illusion of togetherness. So I really like it. It’s an absolute textbook example of what we’re talking about today.

Speaker 1 (13:40):

I think it’s the key thing that comes back with Nathan’s stories, that thing around being intentional, like when he is at work, he’s intentional about his time at work when he is with his family, he’s intentional around his time with his family when he is there with his kids at sporting matches. And because he’s big on their activities around extracurricular activities and everything, he’s fully intentional with his time. It’s not like he’s got extra hours in his day, no one can do that. But what he is is intentional in the hours that he’s got. So when he’s at work, he’s at work. When he’s at home, he’s at home and he makes it count in those hours that he’s got. And that’s what helped him turn the corner. But that’s what’s helped him have amazing time with his family in today’s terms.

Speaker 2 (14:28):

Yeah, that intentional connection, that real connection that he’s investing in. And I think that’s probably where we go to next, right? Real connection. And where does that come from and how do you do it? For someone who’s listening to this going, it sounds great, I really want that, how do I start to build real connection? Where does that come from?

Speaker 1 (14:43):

The first one would be active listening.

Speaker 2 (14:47):

What do you mean by active listening? Everyone sort of has an idea of this. I know, but what is active listening in the sense of presence?

Speaker 1 (14:54):

I think it means that you listen to hear, not listen, to respond. And when someone speaks, you’re actually being intentional about listening to what that other person is saying and you’re engaged in the conversation and you’re there in the moment with them rather than being there but off thinking about other things or being vacant in the mind because something else is consuming you at the time.

Speaker 2 (15:22):

Yeah, I agree with you. I think active listening, and you said it being active in the conversation, that might be a nod. It might be another question at the end of someone’s statements. How often do you hear people talking these days? And it’s just statement after statement after statement one, going backwards and forward. It’s like watching a tennis match if you ever have the opportunity to watch it in an environment. But I think having that ability to actively listen and reflect on what’s being said and ask follow up questions and showing an interest is really the key to getting that right, which is really important.

Speaker 1 (15:51):

Yeah, I saw that the other day. I’ve got young kids, as you know, and keeping a young child’s attention for a longer period of time is very, very difficult because they’re off, they get bored and go off and do other things. And I saw this the other day with the girls were on the phone to Ma and Poppy, my mom and my stepdad, and that was a great example of active listening where they were asking questions and bouncing back and Grace, tell me more about that, and Maddie, what are you doing here? And they were fully actively listening and bouncing back with questions and fully engaged in that conversation. And that 10 minutes, 10 to 15 minutes of active listening and engagement with the girls over FaceTime would’ve been better than four hours down the park being on the phone and the girls doing their own thing. So there’s a great example of active listening and the power of your presence in a 15 minute conversation can be way more impactful than a four hour togetherness when you’re not really actually engaged in the conversation.

Speaker 2 (16:58):

And the outcome of that is a shared experience really. It’s not just two experiences in the one environment. It’s a shared experience where you’ve actually created something together, a dialogue, a conversation, a laugh, whatever it is. But I think shared experiences, that’s what real connection sort of comes to. It’s a shared experience that you’ve both had that’s unique but shared equally between you.

Speaker 1 (17:21):

Correct. And a great example of that might be where the kids are in the lounge room and me having a presence in the lounge room, I could be there for two or three hours spending time with the kids, or I could have an experience of being playing with tea cups, making coffees, teas, making fruit salads up in the rumpus room, and I’m there for 15 minutes of an experience together where it’s fully engaged interaction with your kids that 15 minutes is going to have way more impact than the couple of hours of floating around being of presence in the lounge room. So there’s a great example where more time of that doesn’t actually have more impact.

Speaker 2 (18:04):

The proximity versus the actual, the connection and the experience you’ve created. I love that. I think for me, the third one then would be emotional availability. And this, when we talk about emotional availability, what we’re talking about is if you’ve got someone that’s showing up to the conversation, the interaction a certain way, they’re looking for if, let’s pick an example. Something great’s happened in their day. They’ve had a great experience. It might be big, it might be small, whatever it is, but in their mind, they’re ready to celebrate it. They come into the experience with you looking for that moment of celebration. You are stressed out, you are not present. You are the one that’s a million miles away, they’re talking about it excitedly and all of a sudden there’s a brick wall in front of them because you are in some other place. You’re not emotionally available to share in that experience. The impact of that’s huge.

Speaker 1 (18:54):

In what way? What way is it huge, do you think?

Speaker 2 (18:58):

I think again, it’s almost like you have a rebound effect. If I was coming to you with, Hey, let’s celebrate this, you’re a million miles away and it’s not there, the bounce off is literally, Rob’s not here, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to know about it. It’s not important to him. What I do isn’t important enough to warrant the reaction or why would I want to go to Rob with anything else if that was the reaction I was going to get. I’m talking in a business context or whatever it might be, but that emotional availability has got to be there if you’re going to have presence.

Speaker 1 (19:28):

What message does that send to you? Kids, for example, do you think when you don’t have that emotional availability?

Speaker 2 (19:34):

I think it downplays so many things and it has so many repercussions. I mean, it downplays their own sense of value to the relationship you’ve got with them probably at the deepest level. Where do they matter in the grand scheme of this family and where it’s at? They’ll never say that because they’re young kids, but that’s sort of where it plays out. I think it also then lends itself to that striving to achieve for achievement’s sake, because at some point I’ll be enough to warrant your attention. And you see that played out in adults all the time. It’s like, guys come into coaching, whatever it is, I’ve got to keep achieving at the highest, highest level because until I do, I won’t be enough. And if I’m not enough, then I can’t possibly be worthy of someone’s attention, someone’s love, someone’s, there’s a celebration that I deserve. This whole checks and balances, and really the transaction mindset comes out of those moments.

Speaker 1 (20:28):

It’s interesting, isn’t it?

Speaker 2 (20:29):

It is. It’s huge. And we talk about this as being such a big, big topic, and it is, but it’s not a hard thing to fix if you’ve got the discipline to actually sit down and one, become aware of it, and two, do something to address it, actually take a step in terms of changing your own behaviour. It’s a small course correction, but it has huge ramifications, I think.

Speaker 1 (20:52):

Yeah, I was going to say that word, that thing called self-awareness. I think that’s what it is, where the stresses of business don’t go away. The stresses of cashflow and team problems and the stresses of businesses always constant. Yes, you definitely get better at dealing with those situations, but a bigger business doesn’t mean the problems go away. It just, as a leader, you get better at handling those situations. And I think when you get better at handling those situations, it enables you to be able to turn off, turn on and know how to create those moments with the people that you love the most, regardless of what stress is going on in your world.

Speaker 2 (21:35):

Yeah, absolutely. And I think five more minutes of more stress doesn’t usually fix it. It’ll do a world of damage in terms of the time with the kids or that ability to create that real connection. But you can stress for another 10 minutes on it if you want. Nothing’s really changing. You’re just spinning your wheels anyway.

Speaker 1 (21:51):

Someone who reminds me of this is the great Shane Warne where he, no matter what shit he had going on in his world, as soon as he crossed that boundary line is almost like he turned into a different man. He had that ability to compartmentalise what was going on in his personal life and what was going out on the pitch. And so I think we can learn a lot from those situations that A, it’s the self-awareness, but it’s your ability to compartmentalise the things that are going on in your world and know when to learn how to switch that off and switch on being present in the moment. And that just takes practise. But the more you do that, the better you get at it, and then the better you show up with your family.

Speaker 2 (22:34):

Yeah, absolutely. And I think the doorway into that are these micro moments. It’s a micro moment of awareness. It takes a split second to recognise that you’re on your phone. It takes a split second to recognise, Hey, I missed that. What did they just say? I missed that. It takes a split second to go, hang on, I’ve got to reset here. If you can pick up that micro moment, then your chance of a meaningful conversation, a sharing, a celebration, a laugh, whatever it is that’s going to be that moment that does course correct for you.

Speaker 1 (23:04):

Yeah, we’ve spoken a lot around the phone a lot today, and I think that’s probably because we see that a lot across our coaching clients that phone and social media is one of the biggest devices that it’s the kryptonite a lot of people struggle with. So that’s our challenge to you listening here today is next time you’re with your family, try leaving your phone on silent or in the car or at home if you’re going and doing an activity or really eliminate some of your social media use, except if it’s got to do with The Trade Den podcast and be in the moment and get fully present with your friends and with your family, and fully engage with them, even if it’s for that micro moment of 15 minutes. Because as we’ve spoken around so far in this episode, 15 minutes of good quality time trumps the quantity of four hours, lack of presence time. And that’s our challenge to you from today’s episode.

Speaker 2 (24:00):

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that’s our bottom line too, right? It’s not about how much time you spend with your family, it’s about how present and engaged you can be when you are there. That’s really the bottom line of all of these challenges and all these mindsets. All of it is how present can you get?

Speaker 1 (24:15):

Yeah, if you’re looking to build your business and reconnect your family book in a strategycall@strategysession.com.au and look forward to being able to help you grow your business and spend more time with your family at the same time.

Speaker 2 (24:28):

So that’s it for Our Family Matters episode. If there’s something here that sparked a thought, gave you an insight, let us know. We’d love to hear from you in The Trade Den community of course. And until next time, we will see you soon.